Well, Hello Again

It is now 2011...almost 2 years have passed since my last post. I have been re-inspired by one of my nieces to get back to my blog. I figure if she can blog while being a full-time mommy of 2 toddlers, I should be able to take another stab at it. I am, for all intents and purposes, retired, which means I don't have to chase children around all day, wiping noses, changing diapers, dealing with temper tantrums while attempting to challenge and amuse them, like my now-blogging niece does.

Reading my previous posts has been entertaining. Now I have to decide (or rather gather the courage) to make it known that I have a blog. Sometimes it is hard to reveal who I really am to those who may not know me very well...even (or rather, especially) family members. I hate to think I may be disliked or rejected because of my revelations of my deep thoughts and feelings...or mostly opinions. Opinions are all around us every day, in many ways. Sometimes jabbing at us...sometimes floating around...many times "in your face", and it can be hard to consider and/or accept someone's opinion when it differs so much from what we hold dear as our opinion. Emotions can run high when opinions show themselves...and I am so not confrontational that in many cases I would just as soon keep my opinion to myself in order to "keep the peace". That being said, as I have aged and learned who I am, I am finding I'm a little more daring when it comes to sharing my opinion...hence this blog. And it won't be all opinion, oh that would be awful. I will aim toward more reflecting and what I am experiencing in this life of mine.

I invite you to read on...this is me...well, not all of me, but a fairly good representation. I'll try not to be too serious about myself or my opinions...but I will also allow this to be the place where I can be free to just let it all hang out. And, comment if you want to...I would love to know what you think.

Now, let's see if I can write more in a day or two...

A Mother's Longing

With the approach of Mother's Day, I find myself reflecting on the years I spent raising my children.  I saw a photo of a small boy with baseball cap on and it reminded me so much of my youngest son.  He loved wearing baseball caps, even as a 2 year old...and he still does.  I recall how cute he looked with his cap on and it makes me want to go back and spend one more day with him as a little boy.  I really did focus on enjoying him, because I knew he would be my last, but even still...I would enjoy him even more...I would play more, read more silly stories, spend more time cuddling.  I do remember we did all those things regularly...he was a pleasant surprise which caused many mixed emotions at the time.  But then his arrival was such a blessing!  In the midst of a rotten marriage in which I had little or no control, as well as struggles with two other children who were older...my little boy baby provided me with such love and joy!  And, amazingly enough, he accepted my love without conditions or demands (well, other than the normal baby demands, of course!)  I consciously decided that I would be sure to really enjoy his babyhood and toddler years...all the way up to his teen years.  And I did.  We both have some extra special memories of time spent together doing simple things...of giving each other love in ways many people take for granted. 

Over the years our relationship has grown, changed and sometimes been stagnant.  He has done what all good boys do, and emotinally escaped his mother's clinging apron strings so that he could become his own person.  Yet, we still enjoy being together, and although he annoys me often (he loves to make fun of me) and he doesn't always do things the way I would (you know, the RIGHT way), I treasure that he still shows me love with a hug now and then and an "I love you" as he walks out the door into his own world of friends, work, parties, and strange music.  The words may be unintelligible to the naked ear...but I hear it plain as day, and it warms my heart every time.  

I hope he someday has a little boy, who has ears too big for his head, big brown eyes that overtake his face, and little legs that wear through his pant legs rather than outgrow them...so he, too, will know the joy I've had in being his mother.